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Please don't remind me that I'm poor; I'm having too much fun pretending I'm simply "living green" like everyone else these days.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I am not alone

Thank you everyone for being my friends.  The comments were comforting an much appreciated.

I did accomplish a lot of things yesterday.  I took a few minutes to think through a plan then got started.  I put away the new toys.   Well not exactly put away.  I put them in the corner of my studio for now.  I hope to clear out one of the unused bedrooms to be used only for crafts.  Not my quilting studio, another room. 

Instead of trying to clean and organize to kill spiders I decided to take the easy route and just spray a killer around the house.  I did like an exterminator would do.  I moved things only enough to spray in dark recesses.  Maybe by the time I get around to actual cleaning and sorting in a couple of months the spiders will all be dead.  I plan to spray again every week until then.  I put mouse killer around the house too.  In places where small people and furkids can't get to it.  Luckily I had a supply of it here already. 

Supper was take out pizza.  I knew Ladybug would be here and she loves pizza.    I even got in an hour of quilting before bedtime.

I called the state nursing home ombudsman about the situation with my mother.  He gave me some really good suggestions.  It seems the nursing home can't simply evict her.  They MUST work with me to find alternative placement.  It's the same as it would be if she has a state appointed guardian.  State appointed guardians are not required to take a person into their home just because the nursing home doesn't want to deal with them anymore.  The ombudsman told me about a mental patient nursing home in Glasgow, KY. 

I did an internet search on it.  There is an old hospital there that has been converted to a nursing home.  One of my sons lives in Glasgow and another one lives just a few miles away in another town.  If for any reason I needed to go see mom and stay overnight I'm sure I could stay with one of them.  It would be really nice to spend time with my sons and the grands.   If mom can be placed there then she wouldn't have to go out of state.

Yesterday I realized the nursing home is now going through what I went through just before mom was placed where she is.  The police, fire, sheriff, etc would send her to the hospital because of her behavior.  The hospital would spend a few minutes with her then send her home.  Even a mental inquest didn't hold mom in a hospital.  Often she would be back home from the hospital before I was AND I started toward home the minute she was on her way TO the hospital. 

Mom is very practiced at knowing exactly what to say to what person to get her way.  She's had probably 65 years of practice at manipulating the system.  She might be screaming and acting up toward one person then do a complete turn around to being sweet and quiet to another person a couple of seconds later.   Mom is sneaky, manipulative, and extremely practiced at it.  A normal person that wants to be nice to her will often become the target of her manipulation.  Even the staff of Seven County Mental Health Services, who are trained to deal with mental patients, would often become frustrated with her ways and call me to deal with her. 

Mom will be sweet and nice to the point a person starts trusting her.  That's what she wants because the person lets their guard down.  Her next move is to get the person very confused.  Then she lets them have it with all she's got in verbal manipulation.  The person will back down because they don't know what's happening or how to deal with it.  I've dealt with her my whole life and even I fall victim to her mind games over and over again.  It takes me a couple of days to realize what is happening. 

Mom believes she can live on her own again.  She wants out of the nursing home.  She's going to do anything and everything it takes to get people very frustrated dealing with her.  Just like I said yesterday, sometimes I wish they would open the door and let her go..... that's what she wants to happen.  She's trying to get everyone frustrated dealing with her so eventually they want to get rid of her.  She just doesn't know it won't work this time. 

I'm going to call the nursing home director today and explain what I believe Mom is trying to do.  I'm going to suggest they use privileges to control her.  Good behavior gets good privileges.  Bad behavior and there will be consequences of privileges taken away.  It may not work but certainly worth a try.  It may come down to a locked gate on her door so she is confined to her room.  She can see over the gate but can't get out.  Hmm.... are they allowed to do that anymore?  I'll have to ask.  The idea is to be like a time out chair is for children.  When she acts up she gets time out. 

I giggle sometimes at the things mom will do or say.  For example, yesterday mom called to tell me she "made sheriff" finally.  Yes, I answered the phone because I wanted to tell her to behave herself.  I have to interpret what she's talking about.  I say that's great, tell me about it.  After a few minutes conversation I realize it was her way of telling me she had hit another patient and it felt good to her.  The act of hitting someone is not good but her explanation of being a sheriff was funny.  In her mind she felt hitting the other patient was an act of protecting someone like a sheriff would do.  Who she thought she was protecting is beyond me.  At the same time it's a part of her manipulation to get everyone frustrated with her.

Keeping just ahead mom could be a full time job for me if I let it happen.  I need to be aware constantly or else I get manipulated.  I need to be mentally alert to her ways.  Sort of like.... hmm..... like living in a high crime neighborhood.  There is always a possibility of danger without knowing where, when, how, or if it will happen.  I can't be constantly worrying about what might happen in my neighborhood any more than I can constantly be worrying what mom might do next.  That's why I let the professionals deal with her.  Giggle, even the professionals fall for the manipulation.  I am not alone.


kathi said...

So glad to hear a plan is being formed. The home is Glasgow sounds PERFECT. for your mom AND FOR YOU. Imagine, being able to spend extra time with the kids AND 'deal with mom".. Sounds like a win/win to me.

PIZZA fixes near EVERYTHING i have found. especially when coupled with a beer. giggle.

ah, GOOD PLAN with the bug spray. Since YOU mentioned the spiders i have found SEVERAL "creepy things". and i just vacumned the living room like a crazy person yesterday. my oh my.

glad there is a plan in the works.

Quiltin' LibraryLady said...

You sound so much more upbeat today and I'm glad to hear it. It's good that you've gotten some help for the mother problem.

I agree with Kathi about the pizza. Our local pizza place closed so now I keep a couple Digiorno pizzas in my freezer for when I just want to stick something in the oven without a lot of fuss.

Spraying the spiders & poisoning the mice is the way to go. Somehow sticking your hands into dark places to clean with brown recluse spiders in the house didn't seem like the best idea. The bane of my life bugwise the last couple summers is fleas. Tough little buggers. I got some Fleabuster Rx powder off Amazon & it's wonderful. Sprinkle it on all the rugs, work it in with a stiff broom, leave it for a couple day & then vacumn up the excess. Supposed to work for 275 days & so far, so goood.