Playing the "Remember when" game

I finished the current quilt. A simple fan design using the circle lord.






A view from the back.

I have the next quilt on the machine but it will take me much longer to quilt it than in the past. Speaking of the past.... while I was at the hospital with Sean and his mother we started playing the "remember when" game. Well, it's not really a game, just all of us remembering things from years gone by. A form of entertainment when friends get together and want to think about happier times. I'm sure you all know what I mean.

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I started by telling Sean of some things I remembered from his first visit to my house and we all continued telling stories for about 3 hours. It was good to see them relax during such a stressful time. Sean reminded me of some things I had forgotten about. I kept thinking of these when I got home.

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Sean told me "the last few years you've been too busy to be a nice person." When I questioned him about this he explained that back when I didn't have much work I had plenty of time for fun things. Like riddles and games of hide and seek in the park. I had very little money but a whole lot of imagination back then. He is absolutely right. Becoming a machine quilter in high demand robs you of your life. It slowly takes away your time with others..... as you complete just one more deadline quilt..... then another.... then another.

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Don't get me wrong, machine quilting is a fantastic career. I can't imagine I could have done anything more rewarding. So why the conflict? Hmm... it starts out innocent enough. I'm struggling to make a name for myself so I can get more customers. I work extra hard to do fantastic quilting. The word gets around; so I set up a working waiting list. I consider all the customers to be more than just customers.... they are friends. No one wants to disappoint a friend so the waiting list gets longer and the requests to finish by such and such a date are more frequent.

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Then the friends start asking me to "work one in" ahead of the others because it's for so and so who isn't expected to live much longer. I don't want to disappoint the friend nor be the one left holding a top when someone leaves this world. I work extra long hours to get it done. Telling the kids "I can't" because I have to finish this quilt.

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Then there are the requests to finish a quilt several weeks before it's scheduled to be quilted.... because the owner wants to enter it in a contest at the last minute. Again, I don't want to disappoint a friend so I tell the kids "I can't" and work the extra long hours.

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Somewhere along the way I start telling other people "I can't" because I have quilts to finish. Even when I do manage an hour or two away from home.... the work is on my mind. Before I knew it my normal 8 hour day had become a full 12 hour (or more) day. It also increases from 5 days a week to 7 days a week.... yet, I'm still constantly behind schedule. There is "just one more", or "just an hour more" (which turns out to be more like 4), or "if I skip lunch today" or "if I skip a grocery trip" or "if I don't go to the quilt show" or or.... hmmm, this can go on and on but you can understand my meaning. It all comes down to one thing. I didn't want to disappoint a friend.

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While I had my head down concentrating on the quilting.... my kids grew up. One day the child stands next to me and I'm looking up instead of down. When did you two get so tall? A few years later a grandchild tells me he has a girlfriend. Girl friend? You shouldn't have girl friends in grade school. But Granny..... I'm in high school. When did that happen? I realize I'm looking up at him too.

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The machine quilting money has helped in so many ways. It bought a lot of shoes and coats. It paid for many school field trips. It paid for college tuitions and books. It paid for many new machine quilting gadgets and design books. It paid for a furnace and air conditioner. It paid for new flooring and recently new insulation. It paid for charity items for neighbors. It pays utility bills and helps pay for nursing home care. Machine quilting has paid for all the things that any income pays for. I became a workaholic to buy things I couldn't have gotten without the quilting money. It was also fun being able to give money to those who were facing a financial crisis.

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This morning I checked my bank account. I have exactly $123.56 left. While I was busy being sick the bills kept coming in. Does the low amount bother me? Not at all. Hmm... just a little bit. I have a utility bill due in a few days and several hospital bills will arrive shortly. Will I get back on the machine and work like crazy to build up the bank account? No way! I'd rather be broke, happy.... and healthy. I will complete the quilts I have here but not at the cost of my health or happiness. I don't want to look up to find that a great-grandchild is suddenly taller than me too. Hmm... just how old is my oldest great-grandchild anyway? 4? 6? I need to find out.

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These thoughts have actully been on my mind a lot the last few months. Sean just happened to be the latest one to remind me of how I've been much too busy. I've gone over the same feelings of guilt many times as I made my decision to retire. I will miss the income and the ways I could use it..... but..... I will be much happier. Retirement gives a senior the freedom to do all the things they couldn't do while working. I can now be a quilt piecer again. I can watch grandchildren grow. I can visit with children who have forgotten what a fun person Mom really is.

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I hear thunder. Time to get off the computer.

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