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Please don't remind me that I'm poor; I'm having too much fun pretending I'm simply "living green" like everyone else these days.


Monday, June 29, 2009

I wish I could show you a finished quilt this morning. The next one is on the machine and it's stabilized. Friday was Sean's father's funeral. It was extremely hard on Sean. His mother refused to go to the funeral so I was there for him. No one understands why she refused to be at the funeral. It's not surprising to me because I've seen her act this way before.

My mother is also giving me grief. Over the weekend I had to ask that they send her to a mental facility hospital to give me a little relief from the stress. My mother simply refuses to understand that she can't live on her own anymore. She's very strong willed (extremely stubborn and opinionated) and hears only what she wants to hear. She has an answer to every situation I tell her that might happen. All of it so easy in her mind. Dangerous in mine.

I tell her that she can't get an apartment because no one will rent to anyone who can't care for them self..... she says she can get someone to live with her and they will take care of her. I tell her that it has to be someone who can give her insulin shots.... she says she can go to the doctor every day to get a shot. I tell her she has to get her own groceries and cook her meals.... she says she can eat at the soup kitchen every day. I tell her she can't walk and must use a wheelchair which she isn't strong enough to push..... she says she can get a scooter chair. I tell her that she can't afford all her medications that are not covered by medicare and medicaid.... she says then I will just stop taking them. I tell her she can't call the 911 (fire department) to change her light bulbs.... she asks me "why can't I?". I tell her because 911 is for emergencies only.... she says but that is an emergency for a senior citizen. I tell her again that she can't get anyone to rent an apartment to her.... she says then I will just stay at a homeless shelter. No matter what reason I give her for not being able to live on her own again.... she has an answer.

I'm tired of the constant stress of trying to make her understand she can't live on her own anymore. I don't want any more 1 am phone calls from the FBI, CIA, sheriff, police, fire department, congressmen, aldermen, adult protective services, social workers..... on and on. I'm tired of people telling me "Do something with your mother!" It's very hard not to answer the phone in the middle of the night when I see FBI or CIA on the id box. It's even more difficult to not answer the door in the middle of the night when I see the police or firemen standing there.

I'm at the point where I want to say.... OPEN THE DOOR AND LET HER GO. Whatever happens... happens. I simply can't deal with it anymore!! Even the trained professionals can't handle her anymore.... so where does that leave me? I'm the one they call and tell me..... "Do something with your mother. Do what? If the trained professionals can't handle her... how can I?

When I get myself calmed down I will be able to get onto the quilting machine for awhile today. It's hard to quilt when my mind is stressed. First I'm going to see if I can find myself a support group that is for people in my situation. Surely there are others who deal with this type situation? Maybe there is an online group or a local group? I'm going to stop writing a post and see what I can find.


Quiltin' LibraryLady said...

Sounds like your hands are more than full. With all your mother's ailments and problems, you are in kind of a unique situation. But, you know what? You ARE NOT your mother's keeper. Maybe they SHOULD open the door & let her out. She'd probably turn around and go back. My own mother wasn't such an extreme case but she hated being in the nursing home even though she couldn't walk from her bed to the bathroom any more. She kept insisting she could live in her own house and she didn't see why we had "put her in a home" ...on and on and on. Finally one day when she was going on about it I just told her, "Fine, my car's in the parking lot. You get up out of that wheelchair and walk out there & get in & I'll take you to your house and we'll get your water, gas & electric turned on. Then you can walk down to the grocery store & get yourself something to eat. I'll go wait in the car." Then she says "I can't walk that far and I can't get in the car by myself and somebody will have to get my groceries for me." Me...."Right, and that's why you're staying here so you might as well be quiet about it." That was pretty much that. Of course she didn't have the mental problems on top of diabetes but I think all old people who can't accept that they can't take care of themselves any more go through the same mantra if they think someone can be guilted into listening. I also use a technique I call Smile, Nod, Ignore on difficult people. I nod like I agree with them completely, smile so they think I'm happy to agree with them, then walk away & ignore what they said totally. I'm sending positive thoughts your way for whatever good it will do. But as long as she can rile you up, she will. When she starts up, just smile and say "Gotta get back to work" and walk away. When those in authority show up or call, tell them if it's about your mother, they might as well leave you alone because there's nothing you can do with her. You don't have the money to do anything with her so they might as well haul her off to jail, or the hospital or a mental health facility or whatever. Doesn't she have any other children who can shoulder some of this burden? Direct some calls to them. Maybe I sound mean, and I don't mean it that way, but if you don't take care of you who will? At this point your health is more important than whether or not your mother is happy where she is. Can you even imagine what your life would become if she was allowed to get a placed to live on her own? I shudder to think of it. If you think I sound too mean and unfeeling and don't want this comment on your blog, I'll understand.

winda aka DutchQ said...

All I can do is light a candle for both you, your mom and your family . in the hope that these problems will be solved rather sooner than later...
wishing you lots of strength and patience

lots of hugs from the Netherlands
Winda aka DutchQ