I wish I could show you a finished quilt this morning. The next one is on the machine and it's stabilized. Friday was Sean's father's funeral. It was extremely hard on Sean. His mother refused to go to the funeral so I was there for him. No one understands why she refused to be at the funeral. It's not surprising to me because I've seen her act this way before.

My mother is also giving me grief. Over the weekend I had to ask that they send her to a mental facility hospital to give me a little relief from the stress. My mother simply refuses to understand that she can't live on her own anymore. She's very strong willed (extremely stubborn and opinionated) and hears only what she wants to hear. She has an answer to every situation I tell her that might happen. All of it so easy in her mind. Dangerous in mine.

I tell her that she can't get an apartment because no one will rent to anyone who can't care for them self..... she says she can get someone to live with her and they will take care of her. I tell her that it has to be someone who can give her insulin shots.... she says she can go to the doctor every day to get a shot. I tell her she has to get her own groceries and cook her meals.... she says she can eat at the soup kitchen every day. I tell her she can't walk and must use a wheelchair which she isn't strong enough to push..... she says she can get a scooter chair. I tell her that she can't afford all her medications that are not covered by medicare and medicaid.... she says then I will just stop taking them. I tell her she can't call the 911 (fire department) to change her light bulbs.... she asks me "why can't I?". I tell her because 911 is for emergencies only.... she says but that is an emergency for a senior citizen. I tell her again that she can't get anyone to rent an apartment to her.... she says then I will just stay at a homeless shelter. No matter what reason I give her for not being able to live on her own again.... she has an answer.

I'm tired of the constant stress of trying to make her understand she can't live on her own anymore. I don't want any more 1 am phone calls from the FBI, CIA, sheriff, police, fire department, congressmen, aldermen, adult protective services, social workers..... on and on. I'm tired of people telling me "Do something with your mother!" It's very hard not to answer the phone in the middle of the night when I see FBI or CIA on the id box. It's even more difficult to not answer the door in the middle of the night when I see the police or firemen standing there.

I'm at the point where I want to say.... OPEN THE DOOR AND LET HER GO. Whatever happens... happens. I simply can't deal with it anymore!! Even the trained professionals can't handle her anymore.... so where does that leave me? I'm the one they call and tell me..... "Do something with your mother. Do what? If the trained professionals can't handle her... how can I?

When I get myself calmed down I will be able to get onto the quilting machine for awhile today. It's hard to quilt when my mind is stressed. First I'm going to see if I can find myself a support group that is for people in my situation. Surely there are others who deal with this type situation? Maybe there is an online group or a local group? I'm going to stop writing a post and see what I can find.