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Please don't remind me that I'm poor; I'm having too much fun pretending I'm simply "living green" like everyone else these days.


Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Still working on it....

This quilt should have been done. I would have finished it. I already had the next one sewn to the leaders and ready to put on the machine. What happened?

A short time ago I posted about my mother being evicted by the nursing home. I got all upset because I was told by the nursing home social worker that my mother needed to be moved to a specialized facility. A place that can handle geriatric schizophrenic patients with special medical needs.
I was told the only nursing facilities who can handle her special problems are out of state. One in northeast Ohio and another in southern Tennessee. Kentucky doesn't have any of these specialized nursing homes. It was like telling me I would never see my mother alive again because these facilities are so far away. I wondered... how can I be sure the nursing home staff are being honest about the limited number of places she can be sent? They run their facility.... but are they trained to know about all available facilities?
I made several phone calls trying to find someone to help me understand the legal stuff and become a sort of friend to help me with the process. I was even ready to turn guardianship over to a state guardian because I don't think I'll have the mental strength to send her away. I don't think I can handle Mom's pleading with me to bring her home with me instead of sending her to another state. One phone call I made was to the Kentucky nursing home ombudsman. Evidently the ombudsman called the nursing home. The next thing I get a phone call from the nursing home administrator.
I was told by the administrator that I shouldn't worry about what I was told by the social worker. The person who told me that wasn't authorized and was no longer working there. The administrator said that unless I got a 30 day notice "from her" I shouldn't even think about it. I didn't need anyone to help me. I didn't need a state guardian. When the time came she would help me find a local place for my mother. She called me three times to be sure I understood and insisted I stop stressing about it. So I did. I went back to my routines believing things were ok.
BIG MISTAKE! I should have kept looking for someone to help me. Yesterday I got a phone call from the administrator that she was mailing me a 30 day eviction notice for my mother. She says she will send me information on the out of state facilities. It was like someone kicked me in the stomach. I couldn't quilt. I decided to lay down. I got up. I lay down. I got up again.... several times.
I got on the computer to read some blogs. I read several. I got to Bethany's blog. (quilted with love) I was wishing really hard that I had the quilt frame and a couple of other things she doesn't use. I kept going further back to her older posts when I came across her post about a tv show on how mental patients are sent to prison because there are no facilities to handle them. I wish I had seen that show.
My mother tells me all the time that she feels like she is in prison. Mom tells me she would rather be in prison because at least there she could serve her time and be released. My mother is very adept at saying just the right thing to make other people pause and think. She's had about 55 years of practice to know exactly how to say or do things and work her way around the mental health "rules" because she's been in the Kentucky mental health system for that long or longer. As she tells it....."I know my rights." She especially knows just how to manipulate me too.
So today I will get back to the quilting as best I can. I will try to squeeze plenty of phone call time into an already full day of catching up. There has to be someone.... some place.... that knows about these type situations and all the legal stuff. Surely there are social workers trained to help families deal with transferring patients to out of state facilities and the mental pain it causes.
Surely there is a list of nursing home facilities that I can get and make some informed decisions.
Does anyone reading my blog have any suggestions for where I can call to get a nursing home list? Or who to call that will assign me someone to help me understand it all? A website maybe?


Penny said...

The administrator said she'd send you a list, correct? Has she had time to do that? Did they just decide your mother was too much to handle for their facility? If the administrator called three times, before, chances are she is conscientious and will follow through. Have you already called the advocate that helped you, before? Good luck, dear. What a painful situation. You are an amazing woman to have done so well with such an ill mother.

Anonymous said...


I found this under Ky. nursing home ombudsman. I'm so sorry you have to go do this. I know the frustrations only from a d-i-l perspective.

dutchquilter said...

I am sorry, I can not help you other than with including you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will find what you are looking for real soon so both you and your mom know what is going to happen.
Wishing you lots of strength from the Netherlands
Winda aka DutchQuilter aka (*ΓΌ*)

kathi said...

Oh Anita, How i ACHE for you.
sending tons of prayers your way, and your mom's.

Beth said...

Can you call the nursing home ombudsman back? Sounds like they might be able to help, even if they didn't last time. Now you have the notification, that might change things. Keep your chin up! Red tape is the WORST!

Sharon S said...

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Here are some websites I found that may help you. I live in Washington State & we have this http://www.sssc.org/index.htm
I typed "senior services in Kentucky" in my google search box & a bunch of things came up. Try www.kentucky.gov or call the local hospital & ask to talk to the social worker who helps patients when they are sent home. Maybe that person can get you in touch with someone who can help.
This web address might be helpful.
Good luck!