How to practice saying NO.... a lot.

In the early days of starting my quilting business, (1981 through 1990) I struggled and complained about not having enough customers. I wasn't earning the money I needed to pay the bills. There were times when I had to ask my brother for a loan until I got paid for the next quilt. One day my brother says..... Anita, why don't you stop playing with your hobby and get a real job? Huh? This is my real job! He didn't see

what I was doing as a real business. He thought it was just an income producing hobby.

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Then there are the neighbors, or the kids school teachers, or whoever, that believe because I worked at home that I could just drop everything and do stuff for them. A cab run for a neighbor, a batch of cupcakes for the school fundraiser, and so forth. None of these people understood.... if my machine isn't moving, I'm not earning any money.

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Oh and I can't forget about the phone calls throughout the day and the requests to leave home for fun things. A friend just wanting to chat for an hour or two. A relative wanting to go for lunch and shopping for the afternoon. A neighbor wanting me to drive her around town to pay her bills in person. Hey! Just because I work at home doesn't mean I don't have to earn the money. I can't earn my living if I'm not at home to run the business. What business would survive if the owner is never there to do the work?

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Can you imagine what it would be like if a grocery store manager simply locked the door to go have lunch and shopping with a friend every day or two? What if the doctor office was closed every time you called for an appointment because the doctor was off someplace chauffeuring a neighbor to pay their bills? Ooo... what about a fabric store that's always closed because the owner is constantly gone? How long would it stay in business?
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It got so bad... the constant requests for me to do things.... that I gave away my car. Yes, just gave it away to a friend that really needed transportation so he could get a job. No car meant that I couldn't be the chauffeur anymore. I did try to make people understand that I had work to do. For example one neighbor would ask me to take her to pay her water bill. I tell her I can't because I have a quilt to finish. She calls me an hour later to say.... are you finished yet? She calls again an hour later. I'm frustrated so I take her to pay the water bill. We are home only about 30 minutes when she calls to ask if I can take her to pay the electric bill. Geeze! Why didn't you do that while we were out? The constant requests and my weakness had me away from home so much I couldn't complete a quilt a week. That's why I gave away my car. No car, no requests for cab runs.
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You would think these request have stopped after all these years. Nope, nada, the neighbors know my daughter is living here and she has a car. She's been here only a short time and already the people are saying.... since your daughter is here maybe you can use her car to take me..... will it ever end? An occasional trip away from home, even to help a neighbor, I can handle. It's when I had constant back to back requests that it got out of hand. I would no sooner get in the door when the phone would ring. Another neighbor asking a favor. I find it a lot easier to say no these days because in all the years I've been without a car, not one of the neighbors have offered to pick anything up for me while they are out. My customers offer all the time, but not my neighbors.
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So how do we get people to understand.... if our machine is not moving, we aren't earning our money? Say NO a lot! Let me repeat..... Say NO a lot! You will get some upset people but it's the only way to gain respect for your work time. People don't like being told no. You are not saying no because you don't like the person or because you don't think it will be fun. It's only because you have to run your business first... have fun later.
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Set your business hours and days. Mine were Monday through Friday, 8 to 4. During those hours I worked. Weekends and nights were for everything else. Be sure your family and friends understand you work those hours. Get forceful if you have to. Not mean, just insistent. Think of it this way; if you had an outside job in an office or a factory, wouldn't you be expected to be there in order to get paid? Wouldn't your friends and family respect that you had to be at work? That's the attitude you need to take.... insist that you must get the work finished or you won't get paid.
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The best gadget I ever bought for my quilting business was a phone with an answering machine. During work hours I let it pick up for me. I can hear the message as it's recording. If it was a customer I could answer. Anyone else I let it record. Then the neighbors started knocking on the door so I closed the curtains and didn't answer the door. It was rude, I know, but it worked. After awhile they started understanding I was NOT going to give up my work hours.
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I also got volunteered a lot. Someone would sign me up for activities at school without asking me. "Oh but I knew you wouldn't mind." Ya think? I got forceful with that too. I would say, NO, I can't and leave it up to them to fix. After a couple of times just not showing up, they stopped depending on me so much. One time I was volunteered to help with a play my daughter's class was doing. I was volunteered to help with costumes because I knew how to use a sewing machine. I told the coordinator no but she didn't think I was serious. Only after not showing up did she get the idea that my no really meant no.
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People will forget and fall back into the "it's not a job, it's a hobby" thinking over and over again. Even your closest family members. The kids or the spouse. You must constantly remind them... if your machine is not moving, you are not earning a living. The business must be run as a business. With regular hours and days. An occasional day off for fun or sickness is ok but in the long run you must be on the job or risk loosing that job. Understand?
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Maybe you prefer to work late at night. That's ok too. Lots of people have night time jobs. So long as you are consistent with your work hours and let everyone know what those hours are you can be successful.
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Now that I've retired and my daughter has a car, I expect more family and neighbors to start asking favors again. I must continue to be insistent that I'm earning a living. I'm not running my quilting machine as before. I'm branching into the world of art quilts. Hopefully, quilts that can be sold to earn a living. I can't sell what I don't have. Before I can present my work to a gallery jury I must have some finished work to show. I may not get juried in but I won't know until I try. I'm scared I won't be good enough. I'm scared I will put in all the time and money to create and not sell anything at all. But you know what? It won't matter because I will have tried. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. It will be especially hard to convince neighbors I'm still working when they know I retired from quilting for others.
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Maybe I need to practice my "NO" technique a bit more. Grin slightly, put the tongue to the roof of the mouth, start an nnnn sound in the throat, then pucker for a kiss while changing the nnn to ooo. Nnnnnooooo. Hey, it still works! Nnnnnoooo Nnnnnoooo Nnnnnoooo (practice, practice, practice) The practice is easier when there is a spouse to practice with. Just be careful, with too much practice, you might find yourself changing the no, no, no to yes, yes, yes. (smile)